Knotty Musings

Ideas, philosophies, and evil plots to take over the world through love hatched here.

I Am Enough

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others." ~ Marianne Williamson

Remove the Nots

Remove the Nots

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day Thoughts

Ok gang,

Today is the day that we honor mothers of all types - foster moms, stepmoms, good old moms, mothers-in-law, grandmothers, and those who stepped in and acted as mom when we needed ours and she wasn't around.

I've been considering what really makes a person a mother, biological or otherwise. There is only one word - love. The worry, caring, nurturing, taxi services, counseling, and understanding, and sacrifice can only be described with that word.

My own relationship with my mother was difficult and she was mostly absent from my life but I truly believe that when she had my grandparents raise me, it was a decision born of love.
When I think of my mom now that I'm older and can better understand some of the choices made, I'm grateful that she didn't raise me because I don't believe that I would have been the admirable person you know now. My mom was a bit mentally challenged and an alcoholic; she could barely handle herself, much less a child. When my brothers came along, she was in a different place - no longer a single mother, older, presumably wiser. I realize that she was closer to my brothers because it's easier to be closer to those you have custody of. I was remote in her mind. It remained that way until she died. I always wanted a close relationship with a mother figure but eventually came to realize that I could want her to be MOM all I wanted, but she was not capable of that so I just had to settle for being acquaintances.

My grandmother, while not a touchy feely kind of grandma showed love in a myriad of ways: Teaching me to crochet, cook, garden, fostering a love for music and singing in me that carry me to this day.
My grandmother was always there: caring, nurturing as best she knew having come from a dysfunctional family herself. She taught me manners, cooking, how to excel and reach goals, a love for beauty, music, flowers, and how to create a sense of home. She WAS home. The thing I needed most, though, she couldn't give: She couldn't tell me that she was proud of me. I so need to hear that the person I am today would have made her proud and there's no one to tell me that. That's the thing that's really getting to me today.

While I'm not a mother myself, I do try to offer guidance and love to underprivileged kids because if I don't, who will? Children need to know they matter and while it is best that their parents let them know, that isn't always possible. So hug a child today and if mom is around, give her a hug too.



  1. That hurts. I'll bet she was proud of you and just couldn't say it. She couldn't have done all she did if she didn't love you much.

  2. Thanks Cindy,

    I think she loved me and I hope she would be proud of the person I am now but I've come to realize that what really matters is if I like the person I am now and most days I do!!!!

  3. I don't know if you knew this, but I raised my granddaughter from birth on. She has worked through the issues that it left her with. We are lucky in as much the three of us are very close now.

    I am sure that your grandmother loved you and was very proud of you. Some find it very hard to express their emotions. My husband is that way. I know how hard it is to need words said and to never hear them. To need a hug and never have one. I fill my needs with my children and grandchildren.

    I think just from knowing you from HE boards and here blogging,that I know what an accomplished person you are. You are absolutely right to know that what really matters is, how you feel about yourself.

    Hugs :)